No One Likes Emo

Don’t get me wrong, I get it.  But you need to let it go.  I know you sit and think about how you were when you were together and how marvelous it was.  You sit and replay over and over how good you were together; the way they made you feel, the secrets you shared.  Every soul shattering iota of passion, warmth and caring that cascades over you when you sit and dwell on the memories.

What you need to realize is that it is all bullshit.  They are not that person.  They are not the one you want.  What you want is the idea of them in your head, not who they really are.  Because if they were that person, they would be here, and they’re not.

You need to get over it.  Stop sitting there everyday torturing yourself with their memory.  You’re not a child anymore.  You need to put the past in the past.  I didn’t say it wouldn’t hurt and it won’t be easy but you need to stop whining.  Everyone gets it.  We’ve all been there.  But we had the decency not to skulk around for an indeterminate amount of time.  So drop your balls and grow up already.

I can guarantee that if they aren’t in your life right now, they aren’t thinking about you.  

What If I Don't Want To?

I'm supposed to write this.  Something for the masses. And I find that all the words have left me of late.  I sit and stare at the paper and it just is.  And I am, but we are not together.  It would be tragic, if it could be considered remotely sad.  Its not like I don't have thoughts.  This morning I swam a mile and my head was full of things and now its empty.

Its always empty the moment the ink is ready. 

A Burning Brilliant Star

I saw you. In that moment I was a burning brilliant star. Something shining and new and beautiful. Something worthwhile. I blazed across the sky, a fierce stellate shooting across the heavens to show how dim the stars burned in stasis.

Symphonies ruptured the silence of a stillborn heart and life poured out and covered the soul. Life expressed its vitality in that ailing string. Resounding, overwhelming, cascading and invasive. Everything was right. Everything was sure. Conducive. An affirmation of a myriad of portents, omens and signs; fiercely drowning cataract.

First breath. First sight. Everything renewed, restored. Vigor. Palatable, sensual.


And you turned only to vanish. An aberration, illusion. Some vicious oasis in this desert wasteland. Destruction as beautiful as the creation.

If love is the master, hope is the apprentice.

Carpe Diem

I’m coming up only to hold you under
I’m coming up only to show you wrong
And to know you is hard and we wonder
To know you all wrong we were
Ooo Ooo

Really too late to call so we wait for
Morning to wake you is all we got
To know me as hardly golden
To know me all wrong they were

And every occasion I will be ready for the funeral
And every occasion once more is called the funeral
Every occasion I am ready for the funeral
And every occasion one brilliant day funeral

I am coming up only to show you down for it
I am coming up only to show you wrong
To the outside
The dead leaves, they are alive
For they don’t have trees to hang their hearts
Ooo Ooo

And every occasion I will be ready for the funeral
And every occasion once more is called the funeral
And every occasion I am ready for the funeral
And every occasion one brilliant day funeral

One must never wait
Seize each day as if it were your last
Never fear your mistakes, embrace them
The only regret you should carry is if you fail to learn something from each new experience
Painful or Sweet

The Brave May Not Live Forever
But The Cautious Do Not Live At All

Gypsy

I think I might just leave this life behind... Or rather the illusion of life in this place. I have been contemplating very seriously becoming a gypsy. A wayward vagabond.

Memories are just ghosts, the past come to haunt us. I think I would like a Haunting to cherish. I want the Golden Days. I've had a glimpse and I selfishly want more. I deserve more.

I have to do. I must do.
I love you but I cannot wait for you to join me any longer.

So here is my dilemma. Do I become a vagabond? A revolutionary? Or do I combine the two so brilliantly I am assassinated too soon. Art is Music is Motion is Life. I am boldly going, and without doubt it is not nowhere. But the somewhere is nothing I have known before.

Snakes shed skins.
Phoenix rise from ashes.
I am new.

Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Certain things turn ugly when you think too hard
And nagging little thoughts change into things you can't turn off
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Do you really think I'm made of stone baby?
C'mon!
That we only love the things we own?
Baby you're wrong

Certain things just happen when you make no plans
And love can really tear you up and it can break you down
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Baby we're done

If I could I would
I'd change everything
Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me
Now I can't walk back
I can't leave behind
Where does it go all the light that we had?

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Baby we're done

I am so very tired. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I really don't. I am out of my element on this one. And I'm not saying I didn't do anything. I always do something. It's how I work. Because stagnant is death. Life is change and movement. And maybe forward is hard, but the pain is what you use to remind you this isn't a dream.

I want to be self righteous. So fucking badly. But I'd rather make your life hell and play the role of the devil I know without doubt I am. And you may not believe in karma; but so help me you backstabbing bitch. You will when I'm done. I'm going to make you hurt. Because I'm hurting. And I don't care if you don't deserve it.

Push on stresses to find the cracks in who you are.
I am vindictive. In all the worse ways.

I pity those who love me most of the time because I am about as comforting as sandpaper.
And some days I wish I wasn't. Sometimes I want to be the loving center than you can rescue on your god damned steeds. But I am no damsel. And the only one distressed is the dragon for having his ass kicked by a little girl.

I loved you. I thought we would always be friends. I did not once ever consider you to be just an acquaintance. But now we're not even friends. You should know I plan on ruining your life. And normally I would be boldly honest and state the fact to your face. However, you feel the world should be run according to your game plan. So I will gloriously deploy it. You should know it brings me no joy. No joy whatsoever. And how I wish thoughts of your demise could.
I really and truly do.
But I am so very tired.

I do not continue to pick myself up because I want to. But because I have to. For no one else will be there for me.
Maybe that's a lie. I don't believe it. I do force it on myself. Because so far in life it has been the truth. A terrible and aching truth that breeds emptiness.
Sometimes I wish that all the scars on my soul could be seen on the outside.


Sometimes I think Hope is just as cruel as Love...

REFUSE

i've got it all on my mind exploding in a million different directions at once i felt that all things should perish, little deaths, for their little lives. twitchy keys twitch fingers, they itch and scamper silly little whispers of words stuck in my mind they keep me up at night and i'm afraid to sleep or sleep alone and sometimes these things are idle in their moods - tiny torrents of great gasping floods and it is all too much to bear. brr. bera. burrow. burn. bark. parka. you won't get it you refuse to understand. and THAT IS NOT FINE. i'm tired of explaining and aggravated with you and i want to run away because i am aggravated with myself. and i want to tell you what i mean but sometimes i don't know it. there is so much in here is another brick. this prison gets higher every time i turn around around around the way. some sorrow filled nights and the loneliness is creeping in. i want to strangle her with those satin laces. the ones i keep hidden from myself in the tiny crevices of places i dare not go for fear of loss of self control. ov. of. oven. burn. fires fires all around and here's the cross to put me on, i made sure those nails were rusty. god give me tetnus. lock jaw. wired shut. these rules of yours have already bound me. made me a wicked beast - one you'd sooner fear than love. and i want to rip your fucking heart out for it. i hate your slackjawed nature. your flippance. your lack of humanity. i am staring at you again. but it's only to see if you have a soul. or to memorize the lines you make. but it's not because i care, you're too frustrating. you suck the life out of everything. god damned leeches. human - people is the same as vampire - leeches. not that you'd know. you wouldn't know anything - but oh how you know everything. i'm lost again. but happier for it. but lost from what i want and need. i know the difference between your empty food and am hungry for actual fare. stuck stuck stuck. cannot find the shovel to dig myself out of this hole. DIG ME OUT. i'm shouting. screaming. calling. screeching. howling. I NEED MORE WORDS!! there is not enough of this. and where are you when i need you. in these late hours, these hours, the only time i am __insert whatever word you'd like here__. not that you'd know any good ones. ones. once. bitter. i am bitter here. and cold. and lost and stuck. i cannot - i do not - i am unable - i am

nothing Nothing NOTHING just not good enough just not well well welcome over and come inside i have some dreams and they're selling cheap trick clever trick you almost YOU'RE AN ALMOST and i i laugh hysterical hyster womb shredded home all is lost and long forgotten burn wander these empty hallways adn there is no punctuation, doesn't that just drive you mad MAD mad mad mad mad angry i shall strive strike stick street steam stream stem lest lost love never meant to make you wonderful bastard and how these things they come together right now olly olly oxenfree spelling, we don't need your grammar you nazi sucking the life out. suck vacuum YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? hahahahaha i want to shread snarl sharp furious claws raking down carving paths through flesh one scar two scar three scar MEMORY

i'm going to break them these damn fingers but first i'll rip the nails out slowly one bed at a time and sleep is too far gone and i will never lie down again i am a liar i am a theif and i want to steal every moment you are awake i want to climb inside that head of yours cover myself in your mind i want to know what you think inside there behind those eyes i see in i drown in i want those eyes i want what they're hiding I WANT YOU to know what i'm thinking to see how i see the world to find an interesting thought in me to inspire me to comfort me to strangle me to drive me and i am tracking you, keeping careful observance of your moves you wicked deeds those shadows you spin when no one is looking, i see how you think but not what it is i want to breathe you in INHALE suppression, supressed super supper drown down watership suffocate you fucking rabbits and i'm drowning in these thoughts of you and without you how lost can we be

CAN'T YOU HEAR ME

how hard do i have to cry how loud how long ever notice how easy it is to skin yourself do you know what you look like beneath i do i have found exactly how my muscles move flesh free to be me and i am secure and i know no matter how hard this gets i am stronger but i am tired of putting up with you ever have a conversation with numerous people but you are only making a single statement running out of time running running running you should be running

it's all coming down

Hunter When The Moon Is High

Some things are hard to understand…understand if you really understood me I wouldn’t be so alone. Or rather feel this way… arbor mist zinfandel sangria sucks ass – it’s like drinking lime wine [NOT REALLY IT’S LIKE DRINKING FRUITLOOPS]; what a pervasive and degrading idea. I see him sitting there and wonder what he’s thinking…or if he thinks of me while I think of him…though the answer is more than likely not. He has his own life, and his own thoughts - though I wish he would have me on is mind I am not delusional enough to think he does…

A mind’s eye is a Minds Eye and though I may seem impotent in certain facilities I am coherent enough to understand a concept as base as this. Why others do not seems to boggle and vex me in ways not understandable to myself…as though I am above the evolution of the others. Though not all, I do have a few who fallow suit. But not enough and this it’s self seems to vex me even more…like I’m waiting for the remainder of humanity to catch up with myself...

My heart beats a rhythm I wait for someone to hear and understand so that they may love me. It beats wine at the current moment and maybe Lady Sovereign as it right…because some love me and some hate me but they are all obsessed in some way. I’m the Rubik’s Cube everyone wants to finish. Not bragging as I do not understand this myself. Find myself giving them sideways glances as they reach and paw for my attention – labs after the approval of masters proving to be false gods...

The tangy sweetness cascades along the tongue and down the throat reaching in due process the organ it’s fixated upon, and teasing in its sweetness, delicate flavors prance upon budded muscle. How sweet and ingratiating the scent of blood… I wish for it even as none comes. Nothing ever tasted as sweet and delicate as life’s liquid, whispering the sweet sins of the owner upon the tongue and losing itself deep inside uncovering angles to the soul itself that even the carrier knows not. Magick is potent in these silent touches. Burning and hot, an alluring combination, to one so hungry and deprived. I’m pawing at that source, though I know nothing will come from it; pumping in vein from a well that as long since run dry. In agony I howl for one who will let me lap at the blood pool their heart creates for me. Lone a millennium, this queer wolf-cat hybrid – emulsions of vampire spun throughout bright and cascading in an eternal symphony as potent as the pull of the poles to migrating animals… Silently she waits, in utter agonizing anticipation of what may be — what could be if only one were there to be white to her black, angel to her demon, god to her lucifer… She waits hungrily starved for the one who will come, fangs bared in a snarl cruel enough to terrorize the monsters in the darkest minds of the soulless – the one who comes will find an aphrodisiac in them and happily plunge into the maw of razored wolvesteeth.

Running silently over snow crusted hills she hunted, searching for that elusive one who consistently evaded her. She would prevail – even her prey knew this, and its heart beat thirty to the dozen, a sharp gallop in comparison to her own. She knew the time was nearing and her fangs elongated in her mouth cutting her pouty human lips until she kneeled to her fours and sifted to the form the moon compelled her into…