Haters

I'm a punk rock prom queen
Brown paper magazine
Hotter than you've ever seen
Everywhere and in between

I'm a ten ticket thrill ride
Don't you wanna come inside?
A five star triple threat
Hardest of the hard to get
No ones little red corvette
Ain't seen nothin' like me yet

It took six whole hours, and five long days
For all your lies to come undone
And those three small words were way to late
Cause you can't see that I'm the one

I'm your late night head rush
Ace high royal flush
Red velvet orange crush
You just don't impress me much

A glossy double cover spread
Opened up inside your head
A black cherry paradise
Half the sugar, twice the spice
I don't wanna treat you nice
Come on baby roll the dice

Six whole hours, and five long days
For all your lies to come undone
And those three small words were way too late
Can't you see that I'm the one

It took six whole hours, and five long days
For all your lies to come undone
And those three small words were way too late
'Cause you can't see that I'm the one

It took six whole hours, and five long days
For all your lies to come undone
And those three small words were way too late
'Cause you can't see that I'm the one!!

I'm intelligent
I'm cute
I'm funny
I'm quick
I'm gullible
I'm trigger happy
I'm wild
I'm crazy in a way that everyone wants

I am more than willing to go the extra mile for you if I love you. And trust me when I say no one will ever, EVER, love you like I will; regarding friends and otherwise. I do however, absolutely refuse
To be put on the sidelines
To be stabbed in the back
To be lied to
To be ignored

This is my anthem. And you can think your better than me all you want. And you can think I'm an egocentric asshole all you want. And you can lie about me, betray me, and hate me all you want. But I am all this and more. And if you cannot see it - it's your loss.

Bitch, keep talking shit - you're making me FAMOUS!

I Miss You Cockslice

I miss camarilla's
I miss Shiloh
I miss staying up for days on end
I miss reading more than three books a day
I miss never being home
I miss driving for hours to avoid home
I miss ditching school
I miss Alicat
I miss our coven
I miss grocery shopping high
I miss raves
I miss drug running
I miss rescuing friends
I miss being Ocean
I miss being Silver
I miss being Tape Freak
I miss being Stewart
I miss D&D
I miss Ambrosius, Mayonnaise & Beast
I miss circles
I miss tarot cards, palm reading & seering
I miss painting and sculpting
I miss eating while driving
I miss buying friends food
I miss going to the park and having someone to celebrate nature with
I miss casual sex
I miss when sex was never an issue
I miss not feeling let down
I miss the D&D kittens
I miss the feeling of a new tattoo
I miss the feeling of a new piercing
I miss cutting
I miss dancing under the moon
I miss working at the theater
I miss acting
I miss avoiding the cops to avoid being arrested
I miss the beach
I miss The Castle
I miss death brownies
I miss snow
I miss winter
I miss black ice
I miss tobaggening
I miss Uncle Buzz
I miss the farm
I miss when Michael Jackson was cool
I miss doing Thriller
I miss doing The Time Warp
I miss doing The MIB
I miss french braiding my own hair
I miss anime weekends
I miss Kelley
I miss Pilot Candidate
I miss Outlaw Star
I miss when Sailor Moon was cool
I miss debate
I miss improvisational speaking
I miss driving to get lost and not being able to
I miss singing along to The Aquabats!
I miss going on patrol
I miss firing guns
I miss swimming
I miss believing the world was flat
I miss believing the entire world was only South Dakota
I miss blizzards
I miss the Black Hills
I miss the DAMN YOU!!
I miss mmmKay
I miss begging you to shave your head
I miss pissing you off
I miss kissing you
I miss hugging you
I miss holding you
I miss loving you
I miss being in love with you
I miss making out with you
I miss having sex with you
I miss slapping you
I miss biting you
I miss clawing you
I miss talking to you all night long
I miss IMing you
I miss watching you sleep
I miss walking until dawn with you
I miss caressing you
I miss pinning you
I miss pleasing you
I miss pleasuring you
I miss punching you
I miss kicking you
I miss yelling at you
I miss crying with you
I miss drinking your blood
I miss the taste of your kiss
I miss the taste of you
I miss the sound of your heartbeat
I miss your scent
I miss your eyes
I miss your hair
I miss your smile
I miss your laugh
I miss your sighs
I miss your voice
I miss your lips
I miss your hair
I miss your ears
I miss your happy face
I miss your angry face
I miss your confused face
I miss your letters
I miss your car
I miss your anger
I miss your rage
I miss your sorrow
I miss your pain
I miss your fear
I miss your grief
I miss your lust
I miss your love
I miss your wild abandon
I miss your ferocity
I miss your fist
I miss your bite
I miss your palm
I miss your throat
I miss your wrist
I miss your offering
I miss your gift
I miss your world
I miss your art
I miss your thoughts
I miss your ideals
I miss your morals
I miss your notions
I miss your opinions
I miss your perversions
I miss your need for 3am conversations
I miss your need to wipe ketchup on me
I miss your need to wipe mayonnaise and mustard on me too
I miss your lectures on my health
I miss your choice of music
I miss your choice of films
I miss your choice of novels
I miss waiting for you
I miss speaking to you in French
Gods how I miss your eyes
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you so much it hurts

On Being A Vampire

I suppose I have been rather cantankerous of late... And-Or rather morose and encumbered with malaise. Stunted I lie lethargically recumbent. Bent on doing nothing - or rather sleeping the life I'm with away. Trapped in a memory, I'm sleeping with ghosts again. And maybe avoiding being my usual self.
It's almost like I'm hiding from something. But I have nothing to hide. However, maybe it is my lack of being so precociously blatent in my nature. Although it is something I find as natural to myself as breathing or taking a piss. Vampirism. The state of being and indulgence.

For some reason I'm drawn to memories of my coming out as wiccan. Declaring proudly with determination as I clutched that candle staring into the mirror in the middle of the night. "I Am A Witch." Stating:

I Am A Vampire

brings that rush back. That sweet symphony adrenaline ignites your body to humming. For some reason, as of late, I have been filled with a burning need to randomly meet people - shaking their hands the way those within the lifestyle have become accustomed to - and stating. "Hello. I'm a vampire. Nice to meet you." The want to climb fire-escapes to the rooftops of local buildings and shout it to the heavens.
I find it strange in that I have never denied I was. Nor have I ever not answered the questions about my consumption/desire/arousal around blood or biting. Quite forthcoming I generally tend to overwhelm. I come on strong.

You're thinking cup of coffee when it's more like Tsunami, a mile high and climbing.

I miss the shitty group of friends I had when still in the camarilla. When I still dealt with camarilla's. It was fun. And yes, we were kids and stupid. And we did a lot of things you REALLY should NOT do, or try, or even consider when you're high out of your mind on narcotics even hard core addicts avoid - but they were good times. They were fun. For all the wrong reasons - and a few right ones. We were like a family. Just as fucked up as your average, and less crazy than your Springer types.
The nights were wild and illegal. Sharing was especially casual, insanely so as not a one I know of practiced safe sex if they were getting any. And while not convinced of our mortality we were still smart enough to know better, and crazy enough not to give a damn anyway. Of all bodily fluids swapped, blood was probably the wisest choice we were making. It was definitely the one we traded on with most reverence.

And I do not advocate the young vampire scene we were living, it's not as though we had any role models. Or any real idea of what we were doing. Like most things at that stage, some of us lost touch with the scene while others went off the hairy edge into Crazy Town with it.
But as friends go, they were right fine and I miss them. And most of them weren't douchebags. I really only remember getting hurt over one or two. The rest just grew away. And maybe there were more bad times than good, but I cannot remember them. Only the hazy golden glow of a by-gone era and memories of being emboldened and content in my nature. In our nature. Celebrated as it was, if only for a little while.

I'm not too sure I want to attempt to enter the lifestyle given my current location. My metro is growing, but insofar as acceptance of differences, we're still living a Leave It To Beaver state-of-mind. The thoughts are crowding my mind, I'm just not sure I can swing the freight.
I'm not looking for a husband, a significant other, or lover.
But it would be nice to find a friend. To connect with others who's ideas of love and passion and romance run among the darker hues of the spectrum. Logically, I rationalize that given my position it is an unlikely and overly ideal dream.
Still, when the night is full and the moon is high I wish and dream...

Come out, come out - where ever you are.

Forgive, Never Forget

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

George Santayana

You will never learn anything if you continue to forgive and forget. Forgiveness is fine if it is deserved, and better when it isn't. You can still make someone's life a living hell without holding a grudge. Grudges prove useless. They make anger seem unhealthy - when in fact it is one of thee most useful emotions you have. Because anger gets shit done.
Forgive everyone. Every slight. Every misdeed. Every trampling of your bitter black heart. Forgive it all.

But don't you ever fucking forget. Not ever. Whoever it was that said "Forgive and forget" needs to be anally raped for hours on end with a mace; and then pulverized with it. What a fuckwad. There's a reason shit happens. So you learn. So you get wise. All these cocksuckers run around wondering why they're constantly being fucked over. Here's a hint sweetums: BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT!
Yeah - that's right bitch. You. Deserve. It. If you are too INSIPID to learn your lesson the first time around you deserve the second time. And every time thereafter. I do not feel pity for anyone constantly being trampled on. You are allowing it to happen. And no body gives a shit about the doormat. Pick yourself up or quit bitching. Stop being incompetent. Stop being worthless.

Forgive the assholes. Remember it clearly. Learn your lesson. And then fuck their lives up.
Oh, forgiveness is great. It helps you to plan their demise without emotion. Thusly getting a clear and precise plan. Don't be afraid to make enemies. You've got to stab that bitch in the back for every scar you've got.
Murder really is justifiable in too many cases.

Carpe Diem

I’m coming up only to hold you under
I’m coming up only to show you wrong
And to know you is hard and we wonder
To know you all wrong we were
Ooo Ooo

Really too late to call so we wait for
Morning to wake you is all we got
To know me as hardly golden
To know me all wrong they were

And every occasion I will be ready for the funeral
And every occasion once more is called the funeral
Every occasion I am ready for the funeral
And every occasion one brilliant day funeral

I am coming up only to show you down for it
I am coming up only to show you wrong
To the outside
The dead leaves, they are alive
For they don’t have trees to hang their hearts
Ooo Ooo

And every occasion I will be ready for the funeral
And every occasion once more is called the funeral
And every occasion I am ready for the funeral
And every occasion one brilliant day funeral

One must never wait
Seize each day as if it were your last
Never fear your mistakes, embrace them
The only regret you should carry is if you fail to learn something from each new experience
Painful or Sweet

The Brave May Not Live Forever
But The Cautious Do Not Live At All