REFUSE

i've got it all on my mind exploding in a million different directions at once i felt that all things should perish, little deaths, for their little lives. twitchy keys twitch fingers, they itch and scamper silly little whispers of words stuck in my mind they keep me up at night and i'm afraid to sleep or sleep alone and sometimes these things are idle in their moods - tiny torrents of great gasping floods and it is all too much to bear. brr. bera. burrow. burn. bark. parka. you won't get it you refuse to understand. and THAT IS NOT FINE. i'm tired of explaining and aggravated with you and i want to run away because i am aggravated with myself. and i want to tell you what i mean but sometimes i don't know it. there is so much in here is another brick. this prison gets higher every time i turn around around around the way. some sorrow filled nights and the loneliness is creeping in. i want to strangle her with those satin laces. the ones i keep hidden from myself in the tiny crevices of places i dare not go for fear of loss of self control. ov. of. oven. burn. fires fires all around and here's the cross to put me on, i made sure those nails were rusty. god give me tetnus. lock jaw. wired shut. these rules of yours have already bound me. made me a wicked beast - one you'd sooner fear than love. and i want to rip your fucking heart out for it. i hate your slackjawed nature. your flippance. your lack of humanity. i am staring at you again. but it's only to see if you have a soul. or to memorize the lines you make. but it's not because i care, you're too frustrating. you suck the life out of everything. god damned leeches. human - people is the same as vampire - leeches. not that you'd know. you wouldn't know anything - but oh how you know everything. i'm lost again. but happier for it. but lost from what i want and need. i know the difference between your empty food and am hungry for actual fare. stuck stuck stuck. cannot find the shovel to dig myself out of this hole. DIG ME OUT. i'm shouting. screaming. calling. screeching. howling. I NEED MORE WORDS!! there is not enough of this. and where are you when i need you. in these late hours, these hours, the only time i am __insert whatever word you'd like here__. not that you'd know any good ones. ones. once. bitter. i am bitter here. and cold. and lost and stuck. i cannot - i do not - i am unable - i am

nothing Nothing NOTHING just not good enough just not well well welcome over and come inside i have some dreams and they're selling cheap trick clever trick you almost YOU'RE AN ALMOST and i i laugh hysterical hyster womb shredded home all is lost and long forgotten burn wander these empty hallways adn there is no punctuation, doesn't that just drive you mad MAD mad mad mad mad angry i shall strive strike stick street steam stream stem lest lost love never meant to make you wonderful bastard and how these things they come together right now olly olly oxenfree spelling, we don't need your grammar you nazi sucking the life out. suck vacuum YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? hahahahaha i want to shread snarl sharp furious claws raking down carving paths through flesh one scar two scar three scar MEMORY

i'm going to break them these damn fingers but first i'll rip the nails out slowly one bed at a time and sleep is too far gone and i will never lie down again i am a liar i am a theif and i want to steal every moment you are awake i want to climb inside that head of yours cover myself in your mind i want to know what you think inside there behind those eyes i see in i drown in i want those eyes i want what they're hiding I WANT YOU to know what i'm thinking to see how i see the world to find an interesting thought in me to inspire me to comfort me to strangle me to drive me and i am tracking you, keeping careful observance of your moves you wicked deeds those shadows you spin when no one is looking, i see how you think but not what it is i want to breathe you in INHALE suppression, supressed super supper drown down watership suffocate you fucking rabbits and i'm drowning in these thoughts of you and without you how lost can we be

CAN'T YOU HEAR ME

how hard do i have to cry how loud how long ever notice how easy it is to skin yourself do you know what you look like beneath i do i have found exactly how my muscles move flesh free to be me and i am secure and i know no matter how hard this gets i am stronger but i am tired of putting up with you ever have a conversation with numerous people but you are only making a single statement running out of time running running running you should be running

it's all coming down

How are you defined?

People - the mass denizens of this place called earth. they don't care about anyone but themselves, serving only to benefit themselves at whatsoever the cost. eager to shut down others, berate and judge others. quick to lie, steal, cheat and betray. they talk but never speak. look but never see. hear but never listen. and you will meet thousands for every human you see.

Human - compassionate, they are misanthropic. betrayal is rewarded with cruelty and disdain. they rise above. they will love you no matter the cost. and will support and defend you in your darkest hour. they will love you regardless of what they have to go through to get to the truth of you and once there they will fight to stay forever in your light. cruel and kind, they speak truths and are impasse to allow guilt to hold them down. they fight for what's right, regardless of popularity.

Medulla Oblongata

You ever wonder why I'm always yelling at you? Or when I say things to you I sound like a bitch?

IT'S BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT

Assfuckwit

If you would stop being a cock-gobbling-gutter-slut for FIIIIIVE fucking minutes and take the time to be a Human instead of being person I might have patience with you. I might reign myself in. But you cannot be Human can you? No, you have to be a person. This base animal that hardly knows how to arrange it's sentences. Ruled by your god damned medulla oblongata. Self gratifying leech upon societies face. And everyone is too busy being PC to do a fucking thing about it.

Yeah. Uh-uh!

You can suck me sideways if you think you don't deserve it. When you stop eating rocks and finally realize that the earth is indeed round - and not like a plate asshole - I will dane to have some sort of warmth within myself for you. Until then you can take a long walk off a short motherfucking pier.

I want you to meet the christmas critters.

I want you to meet the cenobytes.

I want you to meet a thousand nightmares.

Each of which is significantly more horrible than the last. And I want you to know that I know, that I'm watching, that I'm laughing. Because your stupidity has earned you that more than a thousand times over. And I do not care if I am the only one capable of saying this shit to you.

You're selling me out. What I cannot understand is why you do not notice how I sit, idly by. Innocent bystander not at all bothered by the goings on - as if an average customer in an average market. I notice everything about you. Every detail. I suppose it is a human thing.

You see me, but you are not watching.

You hear me, but you are not listening.

You talk, but you never speak to me.

I am tired of speaking to you. I feel like we are different species. I feel like it is universes between us instead of a scant amount of miles. The insanity is that I have met other Humans just as far, if not further, who's heartbeat I can hear in my ears even now. When I go this last time, and my back is turned to you. That will be the last thing you see of Me ever again in all your years. Oh, you will definitely see me around; but by then all you will have of Myself is memory.

And I'll have forgotten you.

What is sad is the fact that you have never known Me. But I have known You since we first met. And sure, I will take the blame for this. I have never been one to worry much about these happenings. The end is as common to me as breathing. I am more designed and much fitter to take that final crushing blow.

Mona Lisa Smile

I am so over it. I've been stuck in this mild hell. Or rather this hell of unearthly proportions. Stuck in this stagnate pool filled with this toxic ooze - all sticky and suffocating. I don't know what's worse about the situation. The fact that I was in it for so long or how I allowed you to manipulate me into it. I am LAUGHABLE. hahahahaha

How patronizingly glorious.

You deserve a highfive.

Fuckface.

I want you to know this is about you. It's all about you. I'm going to take your brick wall and build myself a palace to rule the ages in. So I want to congratulate you for kicking me down. Turns out in the best of times I'm not great. Oh I am a bright star, and there will come a day when you look back and regret. And you WILL regret. But I shine brightest in the darkness. Of which I am quite content to rule. We vampires have stalked the ages watching you mules - and that's all you are for all that we try to revere you for something better - you're nothing but mules. And I am better than you.

And I cannot help but laugh because you will take everything I am saying and make it some personal attack upon your person. And that is what makes me better than you, the fact that it's what you believe. Like I am some phantom given life by your belief in me. Yes, that's right, I am your own personal Jesus.

LAUGH

I know why Mona Lisa smiles

So does the Cheshire